The Hannah phenomenon

Pre-sales and overpriced tickets cause sad little children
By Amanda Throm

Bartenders are making kiddie cocktails for hours and serving them to thousands of little girls sitting in line waiting anxiously for those precious, blessed, even holy, Miley Cyrus/Hannah Montana tickets.

Too bad those little girls won’t be able to get their tickets unless they’ve got some cold, hard cash. I don’t know about you, but I’ve never known any 10-year-old with $500-$4,000 in their back pocket.

Many children return home ticket-less, and blame their parents for not having enough money. Greedy little bastards.

The biggest question here is why are those tickets so expensive? I personally refuse to spend more than $20 on a concert, and those are better concerts than Miley Cyrus, at better venues, too. So what is the point of spending hundreds or thousands of dollars on a ticket to see some chick sing when you can watch her in one of the worst-acted television shows of the time?

It is said that, during the pre-sales, ticket brokers buy thousands of tickets and essentially scalp them for many times more than the proper amount. These tickets can be sold through Ticketmaster for about 60 dollars minus tax.

One entry on eBay was selling 2 tickets, 16th row, for 500 dollars with a $25 shipping cost. Yeah…because it really costs that much to ship three pieces of paper.

As if it were some kind of scavenger hunt, radio stations were warning people a few weeks before the concert in Milwaukee, “Get your Miley/Hannah tickets, if you can find them!” After you find the tickets, go 45 paces north and find a spare tire with flowers in it.

Parents write comments on random Web sites that publish articles about these ticket brokers, mainly stating that they’re so sad that they can’t afford to send their children to this concert and how they feel like a bad parent. Then they get mad and make accusations and hateful messages to anyone who will listen to them.

I remember being a 12-year-old girl desperately wanting to see ‘N Sync but my mom wouldn’t pay for the tickets and said it’s not worth it. She said I’d be up in the nosebleeds and JC and Justin would be the size of ants.

I learned she was right when I stood about 10 feet away from Tom Higgenson of Plain White T’s at The Rave and realized he was actually taller than I thought. Parents will learn in a few years that the children will completely forget that they couldn’t go see Hannah Montana when they go see Motion City Soundtrack or The Matches at a smaller venue for a much cheaper price.

So tell those children that missing Hannah is just called a life lesson. It’s only a first in a string of heartbreaks throughout your sad, unfortunate lives.